Move, stress

in June I will be going overseas, back to NZ again. I wish I could say that I am excitted but my job and moving arrangements along with everything else lately and really stressing me out. Also I have an acute pain in ym sinus' lately. really terrible actually and if it wasn't the weekend, I'd be trying to get into to see a doctor. So, one of the main reasons I am going to NZ this time to edit a great film called Nowhere to Love, written by my good friend Jordan, Directed by my good friend Amit. I really can't wait for this film. It's going to be great. Check it out: The NTL Site Utah has been a good experience. Although I can't say I've always enjoyed it, I have learned to try to be happy from day to day. That's not an easy thing for me. I am usually pinning all my happiness on the issue of achieving some goal in the future. Although you should strive to reach your dreams, yoiu shouldn't make your happiness depend on that. I am trying to find a balance in being content while still wanting more out of life - a total oxymoron, yes...but it makes good sense to me. I guess the best thing about Utah is that I can feel good about having worked here and lived here on my own for the last year...sort of a sense of accomplishment. Anyway, I'm tired and this entry is already more specific than I am used to so I think I will sign off for now.

shaded

A sudden snow flurry came in. It looks really beautiful actually. I think it's easier to appreciate the kind of thing when you know it is passing through and just temporary. I tried to take some pictures but snow is really hard to focus on without a good background so i eventually gave up and instead took some more blossom photos. I like how the light is muted when it's so overcast. You can see some of the out of focus snow flakes in the background. It will be sunny by the end of the week so the cold of today doesn't really seem too gloomy. So in a way it is almost enjoyable. Something is only appreciated fully when it is in jeopardy. In other words, Things are really only beautiful with an eye to their fragility and evential passing.

more blossoming

in the parking lot behind my office at work:

color changes

The Grass is greener lately... This week has had a very stressed feel to it for various reasons but I am slowly shaking it off and trying to enjoy the changes of color in scenery as spring takes place. The patterns around are changing and people are about more, walking around in the enjoyable weather. It's strange because I have been walking all winter and Provo has seemed a ghost town besides the many passing cars. But now there are people outside everywhere and it's strange to think they've been here all along. A friend of mine related it to the insects and how they all start coming back out after winter. To give an idea of some the colors I snapped some pics while walking to work: Lots of flowers everywhere. Cherry Blossoms I believe. These things are everywhere and they are really beautiful and delicate looking. They actually put out a real sweet aroma in the air too. The willow tree and some old wood shack. I haven't seen this guy all winter long. I suppose he's been hiding out in a stable or something. The evenings are especially nice for walks. It's such a relief to be away from the cold dead of the previous months. But someone informed today that there would most likely be a few more late snow showers this season. I can take them and even enjoy them, knowing they are a passing thing. Well, that is all for now.

Spring ahead

It seems spring has finally arrived, after the months of dreaded walks in wintery cold and slush. The temperature reached 70 F today. The highest it's been in I don't know how many months now. On Sunday I accompanied Jordan and Joanna and some of their family and friends for bird-watching at the loop beside Provo airport. There weren't many birds yet so I guess they haven't migrated yet. But it was still beautiful to be out in the open and not feel cold.
I took lots of pictures:


It was a beautiful day. Today I was feeling a little under par so I took off work and rested up. Started feeling better around 4pm so I decided to go do some much needed laundry. I ate at the place beside the laundry and had the best pork burrito I've tasted. It put me in a good mood. When I got home the sun was setting, also I noticed that some purple flowers had blossomed so I ran in to grab my camera and take a pic, trying to capture both events in the same composition:

Speaking of plants...I read somewhere today that vegetarians usually aren't fat and live longer. I guess that's a no-brainer but there was some kind of study that shows how vegetables breakdown easier into energy used by the body while meat tends to get stored more as non-used fat cells. On friday at work we had Pizza day, as we do every last day of the month, and when I grabbed two slices of pizza that each looked inticing to me in their own way and arrangement, someone exclaimed, "Benji, I didn't figure you for a vegetable guy!", and it was then that I indeed noticed that my chioces had both been all vegatble, no meat, and I remembered that I had once decided to be a vegetarian for month for no reason at all.
Perhaps after reading the news on that study today I will become vegetarian again...only, I feel kind of foolish doing it because I really wouldn't be doing it for animal rights or anything...not that there is anything wrong with animal rights or anything. It's just something I can't seem to get all riled up about. I knew a vegetarian in New Zealand who was auditioning for a burger king commercial for their new chicken sandwhich. I asked him if he felt conflicted about it, especially since the script called him to take a bite of the sandwhich. He said for $15,000, he could live with it. I thought to myself, if I felt strongly enough about animal creulty that I changed my permanent, life-long diet to not include animal meat, would I have scruples about selling the ideal for 15 grand? I think I would. They say everyone has a price though...so guess their is no ideal that is not for sale. Not that I'm trying to rag on this kid for considering making an exception for his ideals(as it turns out, he didn't get the part and didn't have to). I'm just saying, maybe I tend not to make strong stands or form idealized values because of the fear that I would crumble under some pressure later on. But I suppose you could say that it's still worth while to live for a cuase, even if you falter now and again, the reasoning being that you will still do more good for your cause than harm. No one is perfect in any belief. Which brings me to another thought, knowing this, who was the guy that came up with the concept of hypocracy? Because aren't we all hypocritical in our behavoir given enough time? Or is it's moral implication just that you should not exhort others to behavoir that you are currently failing at? Or maybe the term should be reserved for extreme situations where someone is intently not practicing what they preach while pretending they are. Still I think we all still do that. Ask and most people will tell you that they believe it's good to generally be honest, yet we all tell lies on a regular basis, especially when it concerns ourselves and our behavoir as an individual. I'm losing myself in circular reasoning, aren't I?

I always thought Haiku's were wierd

Headache a dull throb wakens in my head, a pressure builds pain and thoughts share space