thirty-three

Looking down from my window:

Today I am 33 years old. A third of a century... wow! I can remember so clearly my 19th birthday and thinking then, 'I want to be this age forever, I don't want anything to change.' Of course it all changes though. You can't slow it down if you wanted to. Is it worth it all? The answer is mixed. There is pain, there is love, thee are many things, both bitter and sweet. Sometimes it almost hurts to remember it all, the countless possibilities and life's and dispensations of your own life ~the smell of tobacco being cured while walking down county roads in north carolina... ~The dim parking garage of Imagine learning INC. in Utah... ~playing crane machines in destin at big kahunas during summer peak, using contruction slots as quarters... ~Driving to church single's activities in Niceville with Debbie to listen to Uncle Ben expound on what's interesting about the gospel... ~Walking in the cold wet snow of Rexburg Idaho to watch a movie by myself, so bored that I sat in the theater through the credits and cleaning to watch it a 2nd time before eating Chinese food in the only Chinese restaurant I could find in town. ~Finding late night Sushi with Kevin at Albertson's and then watching anime all night... ~Driving to Atlanta with Richard to record songs with Tony all night at earth shaking music... ~cowering in fear of the captive squirrels in my dad's hovel late at night while trying to watch HBO... ~On the road with my dad in Nowhere Utah talking about philosophy and nothing... ~Really Falling in love for the first time with a girl that gave me the time of day and listening to mineral in Glenfield as I walked endlessly... ~Yum Char for the first time with a special friend... ~Keeping watch as a security guard at the tides of destin, writing letters to pen-pals while also listening to mineral... ~five years old, breathing on the glass at school in the morning... ~the Duckpond... ~Washing dishes with mom and confessing my worries... ~Seeing the Matrix with Richard and now knowing why that a.d.d. kid was trying to run up the walls while we were waiting in line... ~Listening to Gwen explain the concept of a water cooler in Arizona 1995... ~At the MTC with Chris, saying goodbye, trying to be casual... ~The perfect practice with ABR, TONY, BUDDY, and myself, just feeling like a family before the storm came and ended it all. ~The sand dunes... ~The first taste of ginger beer and not knowing what it was... ~The girl who is the love of my life, living with her day after day in China with her family... ~simple distraction with movies and episodes online... ~Working as a computer Tech in Gainesville and living with Chris and Tina, visiting later and driving with Dad home, talking about education and the future...

So many moments and so many lifetimes... 33 years...

symbols of what

My cell phone broke. Third one in a row now... I have bad mobile karma. It's too bad the phone I had from the states doesn't work here. I still power it on every once in a while to look at photos or notes that are stored on it. I try not to do it often because the power adapter won't work in NZ and there is no way to re-charge it. It's amazing to me that it still powers up though I haven't charged it in over two years. In other unrelated thoughts. What are those two strange towers near Britomart by the Auckland harbor? I've walked past them for years not knowing what they are about. One is silver and one is black and they must be 8 stories tall or so.